


blood in the water

by OverTheMoonShine



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, M/M, blink and you miss jookyun and showho, brief mention of past hyunghyuk, it doesn't end well for half of MX, mentions of abuse, or should i say serial ki-ller, serial killer au, there are still cute kihyuk moments tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23629552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverTheMoonShine/pseuds/OverTheMoonShine
Summary: You know what they say about murder.It doesn’t count, if it's an accident.(or: Minhyuk meets kind, gentle Kihyun, who is a welcome change from all the other assholes he typically dates.)
Relationships: Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 58





	blood in the water

**Author's Note:**

> for the biggest kihyukbebe i know, [cky](https://twitter.com/kihyukdotcom)
> 
> happy birthday!

Maybe it’s not a coincidence that Kihyun’s always thought of the shark as his favourite animal. Sure, Jaws and other similar B-grade movies may have firmly cemented its reputation as a blood-thirsty creature beyond reproach, but one can’t deny the intelligence such flicks attribute to the animal whenever it attacks. Decisive, sharp, calculated.

The elegance the shark possesses, as it cuts smoothly through the water, self-assured of its position as king of the sea. The way nothing stops its single-minded focus when it’s locked on blood, how its concentration is directed with pin-prick precision at its target, ready to strike.

Kihyun doesn’t quite mind the slight grimace that inevitably follows his answer. The question of your favourite animal comes up more often than you would think, one of those silly ice-breaking questions people seem to always use. “Thought you’d say a dog or something,” is the common follow-up comment, said person laughing nervously at the intensity of his tone.

He forgets, sometimes, how soft most others are, has to take a moment to breathe out and put on a smile, to say with a casual shrug, “They’re just neat.”

So perhaps that’s why, when Minhyuk replies instead, so warmly it seems impossible that anyone could be that bright, “Mine’s whales. They could be best friends.” Kihyun finds himself the slightest bit smitten. 

The conversation takes place at an open lecture held at the bookstore, Kihyun sometimes frequents. The speaker had urged them to turn to the person next to them to introduce themselves and name their favourite animal. Minhyuk continues, oblivious to the warmth that’s spreading through Kihyun’s self with every word, “Sharks are pretty cool. They’re like the guardians of the ocean or something, you know?”

(Kihyun knows, knows too well what it means to protect something so fiercely, you’d do anything to protect it. Even if it means - especially if it means - drawing blood.)

When they run into each other again, at a cafe near the bookstore, Minhyuk waves enthusiastically at Kihyun in greeting, breaking away from his group of friends to bound over and say _hi!_ , even going so far as to invite him over to join them, _if you want to, no pressure!_ , Kihyun knows.

Minhyuk is meant to be his.

-

To be honest, Minhyuk isn’t sure what drew him to Kihyun. Quiet and reserved in their first meeting, Kihyun isn’t exactly the type of guy Minhyuk usually is interested in, much less considers dating. 

But perhaps, a change is exactly what he needs, especially after the countless times, he’s had his affections stepped on by the very guys who fit his definition of an _ideal type_ to a tee. They are always smooth-talkers, always show a little too much of their teeth when their lips part in a wide smile. They know they are intoxicatingly attractive and have sharpened their charm to perfection. Minhyuk knows what the danger signs are, but he can’t help himself, can’t seem to stop his heart from practically leaping out of his chest and onto a silver platter, for them to sink their teeth into.

Or as Hyungwon likes to say, always disapproving of his choice in romantic partners, “You just have a tendency to attract assholes.”

So Kihyun, kind and oddly formal at the start, is a welcome change. The first time Minhyuk cracks a joke that gets Kihyun to laugh (a breathy, high-pitched one that sounds younger than Kihyun presents himself to be), he’s filled with a sense of triumphant satisfaction that settles into him, like sinking into a warm bath after a long day at work. 

He tells Hyungwon this, of course he does, because he tells Hyungwon everything. “I just want to pinch his cheeks and wrap him in a blanket,” he says, or rather _gushes_ , smiling at the memory of how light Kihyun had seemed in that moment. At Hyungwon’s raised eyebrow, his friend always more cautious about his dating life, Minhyuk sticks his tongue out. “You’ve met him! You know he’s not like all the other guys.”

“I don’t know Min, there’s something about him,” Hyungwon says, frowning. They had met the first time at the coffee shop, Minhyuk all but pulling Kihyun over to introduce him to everyone. Kihyun had been polite, yet there was something in the way he looked at Minhyuk that was unsettling. This gleam in his eye when Minhyuk collapsed against Jooheon, as he’s prone to do, laughing at a joke Jooheon told. Territorial wouldn’t be too far a word to describe that flash of emotion. “I’m not so sure.”

Minhyuk pouts, a wounded puppy dog expression that Hyungwon developed immunity against within the second year of their friendship, “You’re just biased against everyone I date.”

“That’s true, you have shitty taste,” Hyungwon smirks.

“Shitty enough, since I dated you,” Minhyuk rolls his eyes and jabs Hyungwon in the side, the latter swatting his hand away. It’s water under the bridge anyway. They had just been two silly boys in high-school, playing around with the candy-cane notion of love. It ended when they argued about where to have dinner at on Valentine’s Day (Minhyuk wanted pizza and Hyungwon wanted _just one date, just ONE date without having to eat pizza, Minhyuk!_ ). The argument had escalated to such titanic proportions that they ended up missing dinner; and upon realising that, dissolved into the kind of hysterical laughter that follows a surreal situation, agreeing that _I think we’re just better off as best friends instead._ (They ordered pizza in the end, because it was the only place that would deliver food at 10pm.)

Hyungwon has always been a constant in Minhyuk’s life, the second brain he consults on decisions. He’s usually right, although never says anything when Minhyuk runs back to him in tears if anything’s gone wrong. That’s the one thing he appreciates most about Hyungwon, he never lords this over him, never says _I told you so._

Even so, Minhyuk’s sure Hyungwon is wrong about Kihyun. He can feel it, that magical tingle foretelling of something amazing to come. That spark of possibility between them, of a beautiful future just waiting to be uncovered.

-

You know what they all say about murder.

The first time it happens, it’s in self-defense and you’re blameless, in the kind, caring eyes of the law. After all, it’s not your fault that your father had been drunk - that he seems to exist only in a state of perpetual drunkenness, and no one has ever seemed to pick up on this. Nor is it your fault that he seems to blame you and your younger brother for causing your mother’s untimely death in a car accident, when she had been on her way to pick the both of you up from school. 

He had been in one of his moods again (but then again, when was he ever not?), taking it out on your younger brother this time. So red in the face, both from the anger and the alcohol, screaming profanities so loudly that you have to wonder how your neighbours don’t seem to hear anything, even through the thin walls of the cheap apartment. How mysterious it is that they don’t seem to comment on the bruises that bloom all over you and your brother’s body, flowers that never wilt with the passing seasons.

It’s not your fault that you’re next to the kitchen counter as he advances on your brother, who’s crouching, making himself as small as possible, trying to hide from the blows that are coming. The universe works in strange ways, directing your hand to pick up the heavy wok your mother had once cooked so many family dinners with. You didn’t think your father would go out just after a blow to the head, not with how you’d always gotten up and gone to school the next day, pretending everything’s normal, even after he’d knocked you around the night before. Yet, he drops to the floor with a crack. 

But it’s not your fault, it’s not like you _meant_ it.

The law takes a look at your face - wide-eyed and young - and agrees with this, but separates you from your brother, to _age-appropriate foster homes_ , even though he clings hard to your arm and only screams when they try to make him let go. Even as you assure him that this wouldn’t be the last time you’re meeting, that you’ll come and visit all the time, the words feel like lies.

 _It’s for your own good_ , they say, warm with good intentions, _you can meet again, don’t worry about it._

You never see your brother again, not after he runs away from his foster home. They don’t let you see the body when they find it, washed up by the side of the river. 

_It’s a terrible accident_ , they had said. You can imagine him, too stupid at 8 years old to know that not every street leads the same way, back-pack full of clothes, trying to find his way back to you. 

This is how you learn, at the age of 14: it’s not called murder, if it’s an accident.

-

Despite his initial impression of Kihyun, he surprises Minhyuk by slipping him his phone number. It’s neatly written on the back of the receipt, in handwriting so beautiful, it must have been printed. Minhyuk doesn’t even know when he had the time to write it down, during the span of their short interaction at the cafe. At this point, he still knows little about Kihyun, but he wants to know more, wants to know everything.

Curious, Minhyuk flips the receipt over, to check out Kihyun’s order, even though he already knows what the other bought. Kihyun had been sipping on a cold brew, even offering Minhyuk a sip, when he had commented, more off-hand than anything, “I’ve never really tried that from here before. Is it good?”

The ball is now in Minhyuk’s court now, and while he’s never been a great tennis player (or sportsperson for that matter), he’s ready for the rally. Without thinking too much, he texts Kihyun, a simple _hi! this is minhyuk, it was really nice meeting you today_ , to play it cool and show he wasn’t too invested in their friendship yet. 

Kihyun had replied almost immediately; and they’d been texting regularly since. 

So when Kihyun asks, _would you want to go on a date with me?_ a few weeks later, it feels like a natural progression, a rhythm to the volley they have established. 

Minhyuk isn’t sure who the point goes to, when he replies, a smile growing on his face, brighter with each character he’s keying in, so wide that his face hurts by the end of his message, _i was just waiting for you to ask! where and when?_ He doesn’t even know how in the span of two weeks, Kihyun has formed an integral part of his life, and yet, his heart flip-flops at each message from him.

Their first date is at an aquarium, _You said you liked whales!_ is Kihyun’s reason. And it’s true, Minhyuk loves whales. Loves how safe and protected they make him feel, as if all his troubles could disappear, if he just held on, closed his eyes, and let them take him away. 

To be honest, Minhyuk has already been to the aquarium a ridiculous number of times. He’s sure he’s probably paid for a whole tank on his own, with the amount he’s spent on admission tickets. 

This time, though, there’s Kihyun by his side, looking at the fishes before them in the tank with such faraway wonder that Minhyuk just wants to cup him in his hands, put him in the pocket, and run away from all anything that may ever harm him. A large whale swims by, majestic and beautiful, and Minhyuk swoons in delight, clapping his hands together in excitement.

“It would be amazing to be that huge,” Kihyun says, his voice barely above a whisper. His tone is reverential, and Minhyuk understands. It’s hard not to feel like you’re in a sacred space, being in the presence of the creatures before them. How _wrong_ it even may seem, for the secrets of the deep blue sea to be unveiled so casually before them. 

There’s the slightest hint of longing, almost sadness, when he continues, “No one could ever hurt you, if you’re that size.” 

Minhyuk looks over at Kihyun. His eyes are fixed on the whale. It’s gliding easily through the water, as fishes dart out of its way. There’s something in his gaze - a curious mix of both soft yearning and something hard, an unreadable emotion that darts just outside of Minhyuk’s comprehension. Bathed in the muted blue glow of the aquarium, Kihyun looks like the quintessential tragic hero, full of secrets and stories that he hasn’t had the chance to hear yet.

Minhyuk’s heart clenches.

So he doesn’t think too much, and reaches over to take Kihyun’s hand, slotting his fingers in between Kihyun’s. That’s where he can feel it, Kihyun’s heart beat, the gentle pulse against his fingers. It’s steady, steadfast - just as Kihyun seems to promise that he always will be.

Kihyun says, so quietly that Minhyuk isn’t sure he’s misheard, “I’ll protect you always. You can count on me.”

-

The second time it happens, you could also chalk it up to an accident. 

You are now 20, freshly independent, the law finally letting you free of staying at the foster home. You leave, without a glance back. There is nothing to miss anyway, not the cramped room you’d stayed in with a rotating cast of boys, each looking smaller and more lost than the last; nor your foster parents, whom you’re sure meant well but had so many other things on their mind and too little love to give everyone they opened their home to.

Despite your childhood, you’ve done well in high school, even testing into a degree at Seoul National University. Psychology, that’s what you would like to do. The course is too expensive though, particularly for an orphan, with not much to his name. 

You decide to work first and save up enough to afford at least the first year of the degree. 

That’s where you meet Jiwoo, witty and handsome. He seems like the perfect person, and when you fall for him, it’s not so much with a gentle landing than an eyes-closed, head-first dive down, down, down. Your stomach drops, the way it does in free-fall, but in that exhilarating way, you think means happiness.

It only takes a few days for the cracks in his person to show, and suddenly, you’re 14 again, with your father towering over you, screaming and shouting insults. His hands land heavily on you, the blows a familiar burst of blues and purples on your arms, and there’s nothing else to do, but curl up and wait for the thunderstorm to pass.

It feels like the hand of Fate guiding you towards the right course of action when a few months later, you happen to find a knife in your hand, when Jiwoo is in one of his rages again. It’s not like you meant for your boyfriend (well now, _ex_ -boyfriend) to run into the knife repeatedly, over and over and over again, until his yells dissolve first into groans of pain and then nothing much at all anymore.

It’s not premeditated. It’s just a coincidence the way you already had bleach on hand, purchased a week before from the nice ahjumma who works at the convenience store near your home, who had once looked at you worriedly and asked, “Is everything okay?”; how you already had a plastic tarp underneath your bed-sheets, all ready to protect any unwanted liquid from seeping into your bed.

When the police ask you when you had last seen him, you furrow your brows, the picture of a worried boyfriend, saying, “He didn’t let me know where he was going. Could you let me know when you find him please?”

They don’t find his body. It’s almost as if he’s disappeared into thin air. The police would investigate more but they have other cases to work on, more important matters than a young man who’s gone missing, who’s probably just ran off to another country, as young men tend to do when they’re reckless and silly at that age.

That’s the second lesson you learn: it’s only murder, if you get caught.

-

A week or so after the date at the aquarium (it had ended with a chaste kiss on the cheek after Kihyun walked Minhyuk home; the kiss was initiated by Minhyuk, who laughed at how beet red Kihyun’s face was after he pulled away), Kihyun surprises Minhyuk with breakfast at his door-step. He had been complaining about wanting to try this new pretzel place that had just opened up a couple of bus-stops from his apartment but not being able to because of the long, snaking lines that were there, every time he passed by.

The door-bell keeps ringing and Minhyuk groans, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. His flat-mate, a gentle giant he’d met in university and struck it off with, Wonho, is an early riser, and probably is already out running errands or working out. Knowing him, it’s the latter - especially since he’s been gushing over this cute guy who just started coming to his gym. 

Minhyuk stumbles past the mirror on the way to the door, wondering if he should brush the explosion of hair on his head, but decides against it. Whoever it is can just live with his bird-nest bed-head. 

Which is why he’s entirely unprepared when he throws open the door, and finds himself face to face with Kihyun, hair perfectly brushed and styled, dressed in a light jacket and freshly laundered jeans.

Blinking blearily at Kihyun, it takes a few seconds for Minhyuk to register the brown paper-bag, oily with food, in his hands and how red Kihyun’s nose is, like he’s been standing out in the cold for a while. 

“Do you want to have breakfast together?” Kihyun asks hesitantly, like he’s half convinced that Minhyuk would close the door on him. His forehead is creased in a slight frown, almost as if he’s concerned that he’s inconveniencing Minhyuk. “I thought since you didn’t have work today, you would have some time to eat.”

Minhyuk only gapes at him, his early morning brain (okay fine, it’s already 10am, but hey, he slept late last night) still trying to process the situation.

“I can come back another time, if you’re busy,” Kihyun says, the crease on his forehead deepening. He moves to walk away, but Minhyuk’s brain finally wakes up enough for him to stretch out and catch Kihyun’s wrist.

“Stay,” Minhyuk says. His voice is still raspy from the night’s sleep, but they both know what he means. Know that he’s not just referring to having breakfast, when he says again, more urgently this time, like they will only ever have this one moment together, “Stay.”

Kihyun nods and smiles so sincerely that Minhyuk feels the corners of his lips tug upwards as well, “I promise.”

-

The third time you do it - the third time it _happens_ \- it requires a bit more mental gymnastics to justify it as an accident.

Even so, as you stand over the man (he had been someone you met on a dating app; despite his killer profile and flirty messages, made lewd comments the whole night and tried to corner you in his car, when he offered to give you a lift home) who’s lying motionless at your feet, you finally recognise that rush that races through your entire being, whenever this happens. 

It’s power, it’s love, it’s everything you’ve ever needed. Would Fate have led you to meet this stranger, if this wasn’t what she intended you to do? Call it an epiphany, but on that night, you understand your place in the universe.

Life may be full of messy, ugly complications, but you can be the hand of Fate, to weed out the bad. You can help make the world a more beautiful place.

-

“What d’you want to do today?” Kihyun sounds bright and cheery over the phone, and Minhyuk finds himself smiling subconsciously. 

On the day Kihyun brought pretzels over for breakfast, Minhyuk had asked him out, to date for real. Or rather, he’d blurted it out the moment Kihyun took the pretzels out of the take-out bag, then dashed and barricaded himself in the bathroom, mortified by the entire situation. It took 15 minutes of Kihyun cajoling him, _how can we go on dates if you’re never leaving the bathroom again?_ before he finally came out, hair now tamed and teeth brushed. 

Minhyuk hums over the phone, waving good-bye at Wonho, who’s off on a date with his boyfriend (said guy at the gym, who resembles a giant teddy bear and is almost as built as Wonho is, if that’s even possible). “Mmmm, sorry Ki, I don’t know if I’m free today.”

“Oh?” even though he tries to mask it, the disappointment in Kihyun’s voice is so palpable, Minhyuk can almost picture his face dropping into a pout. 

“Joobs texted last night and asked if I could hang,” he says. “He’s having _boy problems_ , with that cute kid we met that time. You remember, Changkyunnie?”

To celebrate Hyungwon’s pay raise at work, they had decided to celebrate at one of those new bars that’s always popping up like mushrooms in Gangnam. Kihyun came along (because “All my friends are your friends too! Plus Wonnie’s paying, so we should totally rack up the tab for him.”), and played the role of the responsible adult, all while Minhyuk and Jooheon had gotten increasingly trashed, with Hyungwon not too far behind. Before all that drunken debauchery though, Jooheon had exchanged numbers with the charming bassist of the band playing that night.

“It’s alright,” answers Kihyun, even though Minhyuk’s sure his bottom lip is still jutting out in that adorable way it does when he sulks. “Have fun with them okay?”

“Hey Ki,” Minhyuk says, suddenly realising something monumental in the few months that they’ve been dating. “How come I’ve never met any of your friends?”

There’s a long pause over the phone, so long that Minhyuk thinks he had accidentally hung up on Kihyun instead. He checks his phone, nope, the call is still connected. “I don’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s fine,” Kihyun replies, quickly. There’s a heaviness in his voice, and it tugs at Minhyuk’s heart. Compared to Minhyuk, Kihyun isn’t exactly an open book. While Minhyuk thinks Kihyun could write half of his biography by now (sans some details), he still knows little about Kihyun. “It’s weird to tell you this over the phone, and I wasn’t hiding it from you. I grew up in foster care, and I just never got close to anyone when I was there.”

“I’m so - “

“You don’t need to apologise,” Kihyun cuts in, then laughs, a little self-consciously. “It’s hard making friends when kids are always moving in and out. I got used to that, I suppose.”

“Oh, Ki,” Minhyuk breathes out, and immediately feels tears prickling at his eyes. He takes in a deep breath, trying not to sniffle, but it’s impossible to fool Kihyun.

“Don’t start crying on me,” his boyfriend says over the phone, sounding mock-stern. It’s an inside joke from when they had binge-watched a million rom-coms together, and Minhyuk, in a particularly emotional mood that day, somehow still bawled his way through half of them, claiming _they’re all so dumb and yet they’re all so in love!_ “I’m fine.”

Minhyuk laughs, trying to sound affronted, wondering how conversations with them always seem to end up with Kihyun caring for him rather than the other way around, “I’m not!” 

“Good, I don’t want to make you cry.”

“I just want you to know that you’re my person now. Whatever happened in the past, you have me.”

“I know,” there’s a sense of finality in his reply, but Minhyuk can’t puzzle out what it seems to be, chalks it up to the way that phone-calls tend to distort voices. “I’m yours too.”

-

Kihyun hadn’t meant to hurt Jooheon, he’d only wanted to talk. Yet somehow, the night ends with Kihyun’s hands around Jooheon’s neck, watching as life leaves his eyes, like a lightbulb slowly flickering out. 

Still kneeling over the body, Kihyun pauses a moment to take in a few slow breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. His heart-beat is running - not so much from the panic of having another body to get rid off because this isn’t his first rodeo, he realises, but from the exertion of tackling down Jooheon, who admittedly had been a lot larger and heavier than him.

Knowing how to use your weight against your opponents, is what the instructor had taught him, a year or so ago, when he decided to try learning a martial art for fun. That, and the importance of the element of surprise.

After all, no one expects their best friend’s boyfriend to lunge at them like that. 

Kihyun looks down at his hands. He’d hated them for a while, for how small they were, compared to others his age. It had been one of his father’s things, amongst many others, to goad him about. But in this moment, he can feel his strength coursing through them, the solidity of his body and all that it can do. Breath finally calm, he can still feel the warmth of Jooheon’s flesh against his skin, as if the last moments of his life were still lingering in the air.

It’s an accident if he didn’t mean it. 

And he hadn’t, he’d just wanted a simple, quiet conversation with Jooheon about how much time he seemed to spend with Minhyuk. How he didn’t understand why Jooheon needed to talk to him almost every other day, when Minhyuk was already so busy, had only so much time and love to give. 

Sometime in between Jooheon chuckling, thinking Kihyun was just joking around, to him easily answering, “Of course I love Minhyuk-hyung, who wouldn’t right? He’s like an older brother to me.” to his eyes widening, as he found himself pressed against the floor, the strength needed to push Kihyun off rapidly depleting with each second of air he’s deprived; somewhere between all of that, Kihyun thinks Jooheon understands what he means.

In the span of a life-time, in the course of one day, there is only so much love one person can possibly ever give. So, when Jooheon’s hands loosen their grip on him, falling to the floor with a gentle, definitive thud, Kihyun finds that he feels more relief than anything else. One less person taking up unnecessary space in Minhyuk’s heart, he thinks, glad that the both he and Jooheon had reached the same conclusion.

After all, he is Minhyuk’s person.

-

“Hey puppy, what’s wrong?” and while Minhyuk’s heart grows twice in size at the use of the pet-name, his mind is still elsewhere. Kihyun scooches closer, as if he could get any nearer with how close they already are, tucked into Minhyuk’s bed together. Date day consists of a movie marathon in Minhyuk’s apartment today, and they’re currently through the second Avengers movie. He presses a gentle kiss to the side of his head, triggering a much needed burst of serotonin.

“I miss Jooheon,” Minhyuk blurts out, frowning. Kihyun shifts next to him, as if trying to find a more comfortable spot. “He hasn’t replied me in ages.”

“Just three days, right?” Kihyun corrects quickly, in a strange tone. Lost in worry, Minhyuk doesn’t register the way he’s said it, doesn’t think about the fact that he hadn’t mentioned to Kihyun that Jooheon’s been uncontactable until this very moment. (He will think about it later, but that’s for a future Minhyuk, to puzzle over.)

“That’s like years for him.”

“Maybe he’s just busy.”

“Even if he’s busy, he’ll always make time for me,” it’s difficult to keep the whine out of his voice, and he misses the way Kihyun’s eyes harden at that statement. Frown growing into a pout, Minhyuk hadn’t realised how dependent he was on Jooheon’s _good morning hyung!!!_ texts until the second day he stopped receiving them. “What if something bad happened to him?”

It’s not until he speaks these words out that Minhyuk realises how deeply worried he is, and he buries his head in the crook of Kihyun’s neck, trying to hide his tears. Kihyun soothes, “I’m sure he’s fine. He probably got caught up with something, and forgot to reply.”

“Maybe with Changkyunnie?” Minhyuk says, voice muffled. Kihyun cards his fingers through Minhyuk’s hair, a gesture that Minhyuk had once told him made him feel safe and warm. “He told me he was gonna ask Changkyun out on a date.”

“He’s probably busy with Changkyun then. Don’t worry alright?” Minhyuk makes a small noise of agreement, finally turning his head to the side, so that he’s looking up at Kihyun. His eyes are still red and watery, and Kihyun says, more to himself than Minyhuk, “Jooheon will reply you soon. I promise.”

“You can’t promise things like that,” Minhyuk points out with a roll of his eyes, but he’s smiling now, a dopey one that’s mirrored on Kihyun’s face.

“I told you before, I won’t make you cry, didn’t I?”

Minhyuk’s laugh comes out as a wispy burst of air that tickles the side of Kihyun’s neck, and he snuggles closer. There’s a bit of maneuvering as Kihyun places his arm around Minhyuk, tucking him in by his side. Minhyuk teases. “Can’t believe I thought you were a square when we first met, when you’re so corny.”

“That’s because you’re my baby.”

“Gross,” Minhyuk shoots back, although he leans in to kiss Kihyun on his cheek and snuggles closer.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“If you want, I can spend the night. Only if you don’t mind of course.”

“I gotta ask Wonho-hyung first.” 

There’s a long pause, and Minhyuk looks up, only to realise that Kihyun’s frowning, looking a little upset. “He won’t mind! It’s just, we said we’d tell each other if we have someone stay the night.” 

“Okay,” is Kihyun’s answer, despite sounding everything but okay. “It’s alright.”

“I’m not _asking_ for permission,” Minhyuk adds, emphasising the point. It feels important that Kihyun understands this, and he doesn’t get why he’s suddenly apprehensive, as if standing before a yawning black-hole, looking down into the unknown

“No no, I get it,” Kihyun says quickly, like he senses Minhyuk’s distress. The moment passes, and the warm smile is back on his face. He holds Minhyuk close to him, his grip around his shoulders tight. “You’re just being a good housemate.”

-

To be honest, this time, Kihyun does feel a stab of guilt after it’s over. Wonho seemed like a good person, and maybe in another life, they could have been good friends. 

Then again, maybe not, Wonho is too open, too soft a person, to ever befriend someone like him. People like Wonho, who believe in the goodness of other people, don’t need to meet people like Kihyun. After all, that’s how you end up bleeding out on the floor of your room-mate’s boyfriend’s apartment, mouth still open in a huge O.

But the world has never treated kind-hearted people well, it’s just a hard fact of life Wonho has to learn this way.

-

Minhyuk doesn’t think he’s a particularly repellent person. After all, all through school, he’s received countless Valentine's Day confessions, always been popular in class, charming both the student body and teachers alike. Even at work (he’s working in a children’s art studio, teaching painting to pre-schoolers), he’s one of those rare individuals, entirely uninvolved in office politics, too well-liked by everyone to be bitched about.

So why does it feel like everyone he cares about seems to be leaving him?

It had started with Jooheon, who he hadn’t seen nor heard from properly in the past three weeks. The few oddly stilted-sounding texts from Jooheon since he last saw him saying he was busy with a new music project, a connection that Changkyun had hooked him up with, did little to ease the sense of rejection Minhyuk feels, too used to Jooheon’s incessant updates throughout the day. 

Now it’s Wonho, who seems to have vanished into thin air. It’s true that Minhyuk usually goes days without seeing Wonho sometimes, with their differing schedules. Even so, it’s odd to not have caught a glimpse of his housemate in the past week. It’s even stranger that none of his belongings seem to have moved as well, as if Wonho hadn’t even been coming home.

“Do you think this is his way of telling me he doesn’t want to room with me anymore?” Minhyuk muses, over the phone, to Kihyun. He means it as a joke, but it comes out wrong, and his anxiety seeps in, heavy and dark. “First Joobs, now him. It’s like everyone’s ghosting me or something.”

“Maybe he left the city for work?” Kihyun says. In the background, Minhyuk can hear the sound of a knife against a cutting board, like he’s preparing to cook. The thud of knife against board is soothing, somehow, conjures up daydreams of domesticity one day with Kihyun. “You said he does that sometimes, to visit his family.”

It’s dinner time, and Minhyuk strolls over to the refrigerator, wondering if there’s anything he can eat. The shelves are empty - which makes sense, because it’s usually Wonho who does the grocery shopping, ever since the time Minhyuk volunteered to do it and came back only with frozen pizza and cookies. “He usually tells me first though. Hyung doesn’t just leave like that.”

“It’s just been a few days, puppy, you’ll hear from him soon.” There’s something familiar about the way he says it, but before Minhyuk can think about it, his stomach grumbles, embarrassingly loud enough so that Kihyun laughs over the phone, clearly hearing it. “Do you have anything for dinner?”

“No, I forgot to get groceries. “Wonho-hyung usually does it.”

“Do you want me to bring over some food? We can get pizza.”

Despite himself, Minhyuk finds himself smiling. “Only if you pay.”

“Of course,” his boyfriend answers smoothly. “I’ll be over in 20 minutes.”

“Thanks Kiki,” Minhyuk says. There’s a jangle of keys, as if Kihyun’s already out of the door. If anything, Kihyun is nothing but reliable. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Even if everyone else leaves you, I’ll always be here,” is Kihyun’s reply. It’s said between little huffs, almost like he’s jogging. Minhyuk can picture him, running to the bus-stop, wanting to come over as soon as he can, like any moment away from Minhyuk is a moment wasted. “You can count on that.”

-

10.51pm

 **Wonho-hyung  
**hi minhyuk

10.52pm

 **Minhyukkie  
** hyung!!!!!  
where are you??

10.52pm

 **Wonho-hyung**  
sorry i took a while to text you, you must be worried  
i’m going out of seoul for a while to see my family  
don’t worry

10.52pm

 **Minhyukkie  
** okay :(  
have fun  
love you <3

10.59pm

 **Minhyukkie  
** …  
hyung?

11.17pm

 **Wonho-hyung** **  
** i love you too

-

For the longest time, Minhyuk had been obsessed with thrillers. The moment of the big reveal, when the real villain reveals themselves causes his adrenaline to spike so high, it almost feels like he’s actually there, pointing a shaky finger at the guilty individual himself. He’d binge-watched so many to the extent that Hyungwon and Jooheon had to stage an intervention, after he claimed, wild-eyed and panicked, that _I swear, this car has been following me for days!_

(To be accurate: Hyungwon had staged the intervention, after Minhyuk’s conspiracy theories expanded to the extent that he was spooking Jooheon into seeing figures where there were just shadows as well.)

Well familiar with the paranoia that follows a good binge of thrillers, Minhyuk tries his best to ignore the niggling suspicions in his mind. He would tell Hyungwon but the idea is so outlandish, so hilarious that he can’t bear to put it in words. He can already imagine Hyungwon’s unimpressed expression when he confesses, _I think Kihyun has something to do with Jooheon and Wonho-hyung disappearing._ So he hides this secret, shameful thought deep down within him, tries to direct his energy towards something more productive and useful instead.

The guilt drives him to shower Kihyun with more attention, and if Kihyun notices, he doesn’t say anything. If anything, Kihyun seems to be in a better mood these days, walking around with feather-light foot-steps, almost like he’s floating in a worry-free cloud. But it’s natural that he’s happier, they’ve been spending a lot more time together - both in his and Kihyun’s apartment, especially since Wonho still seems to be out of Seoul and Minhyuk hates sleeping alone.

 _What an interesting coincidence,_ is what the ridiculous voice in his head comments.

Because it is a ridiculous idea, isn’t it?

There has to be a simple explanation to everything. 

There must be a way that Kihyun can explain why Minhyuk had spied Jooheon’s bright red cap, the one Minhyuk had bought for him for his birthday the year before, hidden in a pile of clothes in Kihyun’s closet; why he thought he heard Wonho’s familiar ring-tone coming from the living room when he was showering in the bathroom.

Minhyuk wants to ask about that tiny spot of red on Kihyun’s left shoe, and where it came from. That surely, it must just be paint, from when he visits Minhyuk at work sometimes, right?

But he can’t find the right words, so he swallows them all and smiles, just smiles, when Kihyun asks if everything is alright.

-

It feels like his body is on auto-pilot when Kihyun finds himself on Hyungwon’s doorstep, ringing the door-bell. He doesn’t mean to be here, to show up unannounced, especially not with a knife in his bag. It’s not like he’s going to use it, he just likes having it close to him, like a protective charm of sorts

There’s no need for him to use it. Him and Hyungwon are just going to have a friendly conversation, just like how he had a good talk with Jooheon and Wonho as well. He frowns, wrinkling his nose in recollection. Maybe this conversation would go _a little_ better than the past two chats with Minhyuk’s friends.

To be fair, it’s not like he wants to be here. He just has no choice after what Minhyuk had told him the other day, on the third night he’d stayed over at Minhyuk’s apartment that week. They had been lounging around in Minhyuk’s bed again, chatting about nothing and everything.

Then Minhyuk asked: the lethal question, “Who was your first kiss?”

Kihyun’s first kiss had been a boy in high school. The years and general apathy had blurred the boy’s name in Kihyun’s memory, but he remembered everything else clearly. The boy had cornered him one day, in a back alley when he had been heading home from school. He remembered the rough texture of the brick wall the boy had shoved and pinned him against. How he had said, smirking, “I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t either”, then violently slammed his lips into Kihyun’s, before he could do anything.

The boy never had a chance, not with the way Kihyun’s strength seemed to just explode out of his hands, pushing the boy off and onto the ground. Not the way Kihyun drove his shoe repeatedly into the figure on the floor, foot connecting to his ribs, again and again, and once more into his face. There was a satisfying crunch as he made contact with the boy’s nose, blood spurting out almost immediately.

He had crouched over the boy, now crying and afraid, and whispered, “I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t either.”

“I don’t remember,” Kihyun had answered Minhyuk, sweeping all the unnecessary memories away with a laugh. “It was too long ago!”

Minhyuk shrugged, accepting his answer. Then continued, casually, “Mine was Hyungwonnie.”

A roar erupted from Kihyun’s chest, a dark creature emerging from slumber, so loud that he doesn’t know how Minhyuk doesn't seem to hear it. It called and sounded, thirsted for answers, for something _more_. Ears ringing, he managed to ask, “What?” u

“He was my first boyfriend,” Minhyuk had said. Was that a dreamy expression on his face? Kihyun’s sure it isn’t, but it was hard to concentrate with the creature braying for action. How did Minhyuk not hear it, not seem to realise the thirst that was running through the creature's entire being. The blood-lust so strong it felt like it was about to consume Kihyun whole.

Somehow, he managed to keep his voice steady, “And you’re still friends after.”

“We’re better off friends,” Minhyuk said, almost with a laugh, like the idea of ever dating Hyungwon is so ludicrous, it would never happen again. It would have been enough to appease the creature, to lull him back to sleep, if he hadn’t continued, “But he’s my rock, he still is. I don’t think I’d be anything without him.”

So it isn’t Kihyun’s fault that he’s now here, waiting for Hyungon to open his door. It’s just a simple misunderstanding, one that a short conversation would clear up. He’s already thinking of his date with Minhyuk the next day, trying to decide if he should bring Minhyuk to his favourite ice-cream parlour or if they should go try out the bingsu place Minhyuk had seen on a food blog. Maybe if they had enough time, they could do both. Kihyun’s already excited, in mid-action of pulling out his phone to text Minhyuk and ask him what he prefers when the door opens.

“Hey, what are you doing he -”

With practised ease, the door’s already shut before Hyungwon is on the floor, under him and quiet.

-

“Kihyun?” Strangely enough, Minhyuk feels almost a sense of relief, at the scene before him, the truth finally laid bare. Even so, it’s all he can do to keep his knees from shaking, to stand where he is. His voice is steadier than he expects it to be, “You - that’s Hyungwon.”

His boyfriend looks up at him, a peaceful - almost joyful - expression on his face. Despite the mess around him, he looks as perfectly put together as ever, like he’s just stepped out shower. The only mark of his sins is a smudge of red on his cheek. The peculiarity of its placement serves to underscore the horror that’s spreading through Minhyuk, its tendrils creeping up his wind-pipe, threatening to cut off his words. “How - I do - I don’t understand.”

Kihyun puts the knife, gleaming in red, on the floor and stands up slowly. Minhyuk can see now, the true extent of Kihyun’s work - the way he’s carved away at his best friend, and he tries not to double over, tries not to throw up. _It can’t be real,_ he chants this like a mantra in his head, even when all evidence around proves otherwise, _this is just a bad, bad dream. This can’t be re-_

“I did it for you,” Kihyun says, like he’d just gone out and bought Minhyuk a dozen roses. 

“For me?”

“For love,” he emphasizes, his tone as if he’s talking to a child, explaining a simple problem. There’s so much patience and affection in the tone, so misplaced in the scene before them. “This is how much I care about you.”

“It wa - it was you, wasn’t it?” Minhyuk wishes he could shout, but it comes out as a broken whisper. He can’t seem to take his eyes off Hyungwon. If he doesn’t look past his face, doesn’t look at his body, he could just pretend that Hyungwon was sleeping. That they were both in some nightmarish version of reality, waiting for sleep to end its hold on both of them. “With Joo and Wonho-hyung too.”

Kihyun doesn’t say anything, just stands there with that calm smile.

It doesn’t make sense. Kihyun who seemed so unbelievable perfect, so kind and gentle, who always anticipated his every need, who never made him feel alone. 

Kihyun who is standing in front of him, with nothing but devotion in his eyes, not even paying the slightest attention to the gore around them.

Even with everything that he had suspected, none of this makes sense. Yet, he can’t deny the sight before him, and the realisation of the role he played - however unintentional - hits. The dam breaks, and he starts to sob, the loud, ugly kind that feels like all the oxygen is pulled from your lungs with each breath.

At this, Kihyun finally looks startled and rushes over. In his wake, he leaves little foot-prints, bright red against the wooden panel of Hyungwon’s floor. Minhyuk’s body is screaming for him to run, but he’s frozen by the wrecking sobs that shake his whole body. 

He hates how he melts when Kihyun wraps his arms around him, one arm reaching to pat Minhyuk’s back in a soothing motion. “Hey, puppy, I didn’t want to make you cry so I wasn’t going to tell you. Shouldn’t you be happy? Now, there isn’t anything stopping us from being together anymore.”

“I didn’t want you to waste your time on people who didn’t matter. I was trying to protect your heart from running out,” Kihyun continues, oblivious. “You understand, right?”

Minhyuk doesn’t understand, but then, he remembers.

Once, it could have just been a few days, but now feels like a lifetime, ago, when him and Kihyun were preparing dinner, they had decided to leave a drama running in the background. It had been one of those silly long-running soap operas where everyone was in love with everyone else, and the plot-lines were so convoluted it’d take a nuclear scientist to map it all out. In that episode, one of the girl leads was about to break up with her boyfriend, screaming, “You’re still in love with your ex!”

And he had replied, with artfully red-rimmed eyes in that gorgeous way that all handsome actors cried, “That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.”

Kihyun had scoffed. His irritation showed in the way he started chopping the carrots with more vehemence than called for. At that point, Minhyuk had just laughed, dancing over to place his hand over Kihyun’s, to calm him and save the carrots from being utterly decimated, “Hey, slow down there.”

“You can’t love two people at once,” Kihyun said, with aggression that Minhyuk hadn’t quite understood at that point. “Everything has a limit.”

Minhyuk had kissed him once on the cheek, then another time on the lips, gentle and soft, “There’s always enough love to go around.”

“We’ll have each other,” Kihyun continues, drawing Minhyuk’s thoughts forcefully back to the horror show that is the present. He doesn’t seem to have noticed that Minhyuk has yet to reply, or doesn’t care, maybe lost in his own thoughts as well. “That’s all we need anyway.”

Was there something else that he could have done, to stop all of this from happening? Minhyuk should run, he should push Kihyun off and call the cops, break his hold and beat him up. Yell and scream and shout for help. 

But Minhyuk does none of that, can’t seem to find the energy to do so. He just stands there in Kihyun’s embrace, continues sobbing into his shoulder, until his throat goes sore and his head is dizzy.

When he finally has no tears left to cry, he looks up, hoping that everything had been a terrible illusion. The room is the same, streaked with gore and bloodied. Hyungwon is still on the floor in a pool of thick red, gone on a journey that Minhyuk wishes he could join him on.

All Kihyun does is hold him closer, smiles, as sweetly as ever, and says “You’re mine, forever and always.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really sorry, but this was also too enjoyable to write
> 
> come find me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/legofroggo/), and please let me know what you thought!
> 
> also stream believer!!!!


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